3 Strategies to Help My Anxious Kid

"Brush your teeth, buddy. It's bedtime."

Silence. A blank stare. My 7-year-old continues to lay on the couch, unmoved, as if I'd asked him to solve world hunger or decipher the lyrics to "Loser" by Beck.

And just like that, you're thrown into the anxiety parenting thunderdome. No amount of 90s resilience or "we survived lawn darts" attitude prepares you for this moment.

Welcome to the wild world of raising an anxious kid in the age of Instagram perfection and TikTok attention spans.

As a card-carrying member of the "we survived without helmets" generation, I've had to rewire my own brain faster than I could figure out how to program our VCR in '89.

So, fellow warriors of the anxiety battleground, grab your beverage of choice, and let's talk about it. Because if there's one thing us Gen Xers know how to do, it's adapt and overcome – even if it means admitting we need help.

"So how are you managing that?" a friend asked when I told him about my oldest son's anxiety diagnosis.

It's tough to hear that your kid can't get past things that seem trivial to his younger brother.

The helplessness is overwhelming, knowing that your efforts often fall short.

As someone who's battled depression and anxiety, guilt creeps in, wondering if I've passed this burden to him.

Growing up Gen X, we were told to "rub some dirt on it and get back out there" for physical pain. Mental struggles? We didn't talk about those.

But now, my wife has leaned on me at times to understand our son's struggles. I realize he's got a unique ally in me, someone who can truly empathize.

Most of all I try and listen. While he doesn’t sometimes always know how to express his feelings and thoughts, I’m in the same boat with him. I also suck at expressing how I feel at times. But we work through it together. Even though I’m not professionally trained, I am a Dad and here to guide both kids in ways no one else can.

So, how do I help my son who worries about things no 7-year-old should?

Here are three strategies that have worked (and are working) for us:

1. Pattern recognition: I've learned to spot behavior patterns. For instance, I noticed he always looked up in the bathroom. Turns out, the smoke detector light was scaring him. Simple fix: move the detector.

When we went to Disney World, my wife knew he’d enjoy the rides, but so that he didn’t get nervous thinking about what the rides were about, she pulled up YouTube videos of the rides so that he could see what the ride was like first.

2. "Safe failure" scenarios: We create opportunities for problem-solving in a safe environment. Whether it's helping build furniture or learning about electrical switches, these experiences build confidence and an ability to figure out things for themselves.

3. Putting myself in his place: During Lego building sessions, we have heart-to-hearts. So let me share this quick story with you.

My 7-year-old has a hard time being in his room by himself. I’ve found that he and I can have a genuine conversation without distractions when we are building Lego together.

So one day I said to him, “Did you know that when I’m trying to fall asleep my mind races and I think about different things like what I have to do tomorrow, then what phone calls I need to make, and chores I need to do around the house on the weekend?”

“I didn’t know that” he replied.

“Yup. It’s happened to me for as long as I can remember. Does that happen for you?” I asked.

“Yes, but I don’t have calls to make.”

After we giggled a bit, I said “Want to know what I’ve done to help calm my brain and allow me to fall asleep?”

“Yeah!” he said.

“Instead of paying attention to what’s inside my brain, I start to pay attention to what’s happening outside and around me. Things like the rain or wind outside, Mommy breathing next to me, the cat running around downstairs, the cars passing by outside.”

After helping him find a yellow piece he had trouble finding from in the pile of Lego bricks he said “and that helps you?”

“Yup. Because what my brain wants to do is think about the things that I can’t do anything about while I’m laying in bed trying to sleep, right? So by listening to other things around me distracts my brain and then before you know it, I fall asleep.”

“Wow I’ll try that.”

He said that it’s helped a few times since that conversation, but it’s a process right?

Look, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it – dealing with a kid's anxiety is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. It's frustrating, it's complex, and just when you think you've got it figured out, the colors shift again.

But here's the deal: recognizing patterns, creating safe spaces to fail, and stepping into their Jibbitz filled Crocs – these aren't just parenting hacks, they're lifelines. They've helped us navigate this maze, and maybe they'll help you too.

Remember, we're not aiming for perfection here. We're just trying to be a little better today than we were yesterday. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and sometimes it feels like we're running it on a treadmill.

To all you parents out there – Gen X, Millennial, or whatever – keep listening, keep showing up. We might not have all the answers, but we've got grit, we've got love, and sometimes, that's enough to make a difference.

Stay strong, stay caffeinated, and remember – we're all in this together, one anxiety-ridden, love-filled day at a time.

-Rick